


Turn off the world

by smeary_coffee



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, M/M, Mention of Unhealthy Relationship, Might Be Boring, References to Depression, Trauma, a bit fluffy, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smeary_coffee/pseuds/smeary_coffee
Summary: Love is all about him,  but Seungyoon had to keep it unsaid. Left Mino wondering why. Left himself lost forever in his own labirynth.





	Turn off the world

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work here! I'm excited and also anticipated it.  
> Thanks to Audrey on twitter for helped me a bit on grammatical errors! English it's not my first language, so, sorry if there's so many mistakes.  
> Enjoy!

"Say it again."

Seungyoon takes a glance at a figure sitting beside him. His face contains a mixture of surprised. The beer he was about to sip hanging between his hand. Doubted, then Seungyoon takes a sip before speaking.

"That I love you?"

The person nods. Seungyoon laughs, momentarily before he's choked by his own beer.

"Im not saying it again. You heard what you hear."

"Just to make sure of it, you know, it's kinda hard to believe."

"No matter how much I said it, you'll never believe me."

A thump of the glass beating the table is loud enough. But no one noticed. Seungyoon's head falls after his glass. The man looked bewildered. Then looks like just got hit by a realization.

"You're drunk."

There is no response and he's know Seungyoon is already asleep.

Mino gritted his teeth. He could left Seungyoon right at the moment. A thought of leaving him there is so strong, with a brief of hit him before leaving. But that's no works. He must sent him home and he can flick him on the forehead the next morning.

"You're fucking drunk Kang Seungyoon."

 

*****

 

Mino awaken by the sting of sun light in between his curtains. Based of the heat and brightness, Mino assumes he has been sleeping through his chain alarm. Seven, Eight, Nine, maybe it's 9 am. When he's check his phone, it's ten to ten. He sighs. Thanks god, it's Saturday. Means no class, no job, and Mino proud of himself a little to still follow his own rule to get drunk only in weekends. Even Seungyoon know and respect that, so he never asked Mino to drink with him on weekdays. Mino just about to left his phone before he's notice, there is five message from Seungyoon (also that kid was more drunk than he is, but the message was sent to him at six in the morning.)

_How is it? I'm waking on my bed again after getting drunkm 6.11am_

_I'm so sorry 6.11am_

_Next time you should left me on thre roed 6.12am_ (at this, mino feels de javu on how last night he's thought to just leaving a drunk seungyoon.)

_I only remember the pain in ny forehead, you manhandled me out of a taxi kkjkjkkk 6.12am_

_But thank you 6.13am_

At the end, Seungyoon kindly put on a triple hearts. He must be dizzy after waking up and send those message. Mino decided to replied it later. His mind is soggy and he like to clear his mind before doing anything.

After brush his teeth and wash his face, Mino sits as his dining table. Opens an aspirin, and takes gulps of it. His mind somewhat clearer than before and Mino feels like truly wake up now.

With a mind blank and clear as a new paper. Mino shifts from the kitchen counter to the other station like a pure impuls movement human machine. Nothing bother him and he quickly observe what he had in his refigerator and begin to served himself a late breakfast: a sandwich. He effeciently cut the ham and lettuce into the right amounts and prepare the pan, slightly roasted them and make a pile of a bread, lettuce, ham, cheese, and another bread on top. One slice each piles. Cut them into four triangular piece and eath them with a mixture of mayo and tomato sauce. Danah is going to their home town and Mino stay there because of various assignment. That's half an excuse though. But he insisted himself to stay in Seoul, apart from Danah. So, no one waking him up and no breakfast in the table. But, Mino is totally okay with that. He like to cooking for himself. Instead, he and Danah often couldn't match their taste on food. He thinks it's better to serve on his own, he gets what he want without complaining and no one will get hurt. Like a win-win solution.

A loud sound of Apple's default ringtone, ringing from his room to the kitchen. Mino just finished his sandwich and let his glass emptied before walk to his room. As he predicted, it's Seungyoon. He lets it ringing again before answers.

"Hello Kang Seungyoon, how is it going?"

"Ah im super fineeee, I'm healthy already. What I'm curious about is you, thank you by the way, for taking me back."

Mino held his smile and can imagine how Seungyoon would smiling widely on the other side.

"Everthing is on track until I got your call."

"You're still bad at joking, you know that?"  
"What if i said it's not a joke?"

Mino swears he feel like heard Seungyoon's faltered breathe. He is tensed a bit.

"But it is not, right?"

"Yeah you're right, I'm bad at joking."

Seungyoon laughs echoed and vanishing the tense.

"Mm... I just go back from market place and saw a tenderloin on sale. I want to meet you."

That's very typical way for Seungyoon to invited him. Kind, but too rushed.

"So I worth a tenderloin, then? What's that mean?" Mino trying to playing on him.

"Just get here at eight, please Minho-ssi?"

"How would you manage the tenderloin? I wont forcing myself to eat burns."

"Hell no, I know how to cook a great steak. Take you word tonight." Seungyoon voice is so loud even at the cellphone.

"Okay, I will, see you."

"Good bye."

Mino checking his phone. It's noon. He have plenty of times before going to Seungyoon's apartment. Mino suddenly forgetting his annoyance towards Seungyoon last night when he is drunk. Seungyoon certainly didn't remember anything. The dinner, by all means really helped himself from Mino's annoyance. Altough, this invitation is not rare, they're like to meet each other at least twice a week. If one of them was busy, at least they're make it once. There is also times where they couldn't make it, a video call never enough, that's what Seungyoon has said when they're couldn't meet each other for so long.

Their lack of meeting each other is because of their occupation too. Seungyoon apartement is like 70 km apart from his own. It was an acceptable number. But when he is longing for Seungyoon, it's never seems rational. They're often meet at train station. A place Seungyoon really likes. Train station just happen to be their right places. Mino thinks, there is no one like them to especially going to certain station to meet up and chatting along inside on of the coffee shop there. But it always exciting, they don't have to worry over the last train. And when its time to left, Seungyoon would kiss him in the platform when his train is arriving from distance, apart from people who standing in line, waiting for the train. Mino is at the back of them, tasting everything about Seungyoon that would make him miss him until their next meet up. If he is thinking about that, he sometimes hopes no one ever noticed them.

There's also times where Seungyoon going to leave first, and they're still kissing, anywhere possible. It's just the image of train's light from the darkness, the sound, and the lingering tastes of something sweet (it's always sweet even he drinks bitter coffee) is very familiar to him, and he often leave first. They've been going like this for over two years.

Seungyoon ever tell him he likes their relationship like this. He was in Seungyoon's apartment, drinking cold beer together while watching news. None of them really watching it. Mino doesn't know if that is because of the beer or because of Seungyoon friend that afternoon. But, he is not in a good mood. Mino was in his apartemen from the morning and when Seungyoon get back from the campus he brings his friend along. Seungyoon said they're have to finish some assignment together, something Mino could never really understand. Mino is totally okay with that, but later it's iritated him on how Seungyoon is so close with everyone. Of course he know that before they're dated, but now Seungyoon is his. They're look like have no boundaries between friends. Even Seungyoon look unbothered when he touches his neck. For god sake, what assignment is it to include neck touching? And for a long time? Seungyoon is majoring in art, not some kind of neurology, and so is his friend. Mino ended staring at their back in a bewilderment. He reaches his peak when he heard their farewell. The guy is aware of him, even smiled at the door when Mino is staring blankly at him, amused. Mino didn't know if Seungyoon telling him or not if he is his boyfriend. But they're exchanging 'i love you' after the guy refuses Seungyoon offer to accompany him back. A bit heart breaking. But, Mino should have remember, that Seungyoon tell everyone his love except himself.

The times when Seungyoon said he likes their relationship like that, is the very first time for them to fight. Because Mino suddenly dislike everything about them.

"You guys really close with each other,"

"Yeah, we're going through semesters together."

"Do you love him?" He sounds so bitter. Seungyoon look at him.

"Are you jealous?"

"Don't ask back."

Seungyoon, actually, feel burdened by this. How he answers that question exactly? Their shoulder no longer touched.

"I love many people, but in case it's threaten you, it's complicated."

Mino let out a desperate sigh and look back at him.

"I love you, and I'm taking it carefully, I wont said it to every closest friend I had."

"It's different, me talking like that to Jinwoo doesn't make it sounding like... like you to me."

"What about he's touching your neck? You let anyone did that?"

"Oh god, you really watched us didn't you? I dont even remember it till you brag it up again and I don't know what shit we were doing and I bet Jinwoo also didn't know either. We're weird like that." Seungyoon try to look at Mino in the eyes once again, and Mino avoiding it.

Seungyoon sits face to face with him. "Jinwoo had a boyfriend too," Eventually Mino no longer hide his face, Seungyoon continues "And this is so similar. We're often lunch together. His boyfriend and I would starts bickering because it's look like Jinwoo loves me more. We're still ate together though. I love them."

Once again, Mino asked himself if Seungyoon really love him. If only he knew jealousy is not the matter of this. Seungyoon always nice and too kind for him. But sometimes he can be shit. At the end, Mino thoughts maybe that's the price he had to pay to have Seungyoon.

"Lets sleep," Seungyoon gets up, take the empty can of beers and wiped the table.

When Seungyoon snuggled beside him in the dim light of his room, Mino take a hint of a nice scent of his hair.

Seungyoon look sleepy. They're sleepy. Having Seungyoon in his embrace, Mino struck again by how much he's feels gratitude for him.

"I love you."

Seungyoon smiles genuinely in response and turn off the table lamp. Letting Mino as the last person conscious in the darkness.

*****

Mino brewed coffee beans while stacking various size and function of paper on his shared desk with Danah. They called it 'working table' as they use it to complete their assignment. The table is huge enough for a person sleep on top of that. Still Mino feel the hugeness the table had is when he is using it alone. When Mino isn't in the studio, sometimes he draws on the floor if Danah is also using it. His paper never been small like she had and it contains more line and hatching than words. But it never bringing anything that really mattered for them. He and Danah agree to mind each other bussiness but still maintain to taking care of each others too. It's always been easy since they're both an adult now. They're even have a rules, one of them is not bringing friends or boyfriend/girlfriend to sleep over. Or just boyfriend. It's seems ridiculous at first, but they're just laugh it off. By the time being, the rule actually is very right. When Mino mentioned he live with his little sister, his friend tends to feels uneasy if they're staying untill late, Mino sure Danah also experiencing it. Imagine how awkward it is when you bringing boyfriend home and meet her brother is there too. That's also one of the reason Mino likely to spend his night at Seungyoon apartment. Seungyoon never mind it though. It's happen occasionally, and one day Danah made a concession herself to let Mino bringing Seungyoon home when she's not around. She know Seungyoon and knowing they're together. In fact, Seungyoon eventually being their occasional guest. And when Danah is not at home, Mino would take him home. Eating or just talking non stop till midnight. Occasionally had sex there.

A cup of brewed coffee is on the other smaller table. Avoiding any possibilities that can ruin his half-finished assignment. Every single brush of his pencil contains his accuracy and concern. While he was drawing a layout, his mind wandered everywhere. Mostly of things lately happened to him, or a long term one, like what he's been doing right now in his life. Sometimes it's just a song playing perpetually on his mind.

He wondered, is Seungyoon preparing dinner right now? It's 4 o'clock. Mino decided to get away from his assignment around five. Finished or not. He can continuing it later and prioritised his dinner. Seungyoon must be busy right now. He likes to cherised small things. Always have. He would make everything looks fine. It was some sort of a self served, Mino didn't think Seungyoon do that to impress him. It's simply because Seungyoon like to make things at its finest.

Another thought suddenly changing his teather's landscape on his mind. He have a sketch of Seungyoon side profile in his sketchbook, along with other faces. Most of them are artist, and just a few pages of an interesting face he meet at his campus. Mino would take permission to every person he about to draws. People tends to know him and they're usually excited when Mino said he want to draw their faces and asked him to send the picture if it's finished. Not every single person like that though, there is some people who refuses to drawed in someone else sketchbook and Mino is fine with that. There is certain people he thought that have a particular look. They're never look the same, even with the other person he draw. Every single of them has a different mixture of contour, hollow, and lines. What makes them in a grouping maybe their eyes. Their eyes looks similar to each other. Mino just realised it lately. When he is studying Seungyoon face and thinks he and the certain people in his sketchbook is look alike. He found out that these people is bringing their... soul, maybe? Or something like spirits and passion. He found out the thing he didn't sure of how to says it exactly. From there, he is asked Seungyoon for draws his face, and Seungyoon seems happy about it.

Mino opened his sketchbook to the last page of drawing. It's Seungyoon. Bare and exposed shoulder. A protruded bone in his shoulder emerges slightly. The only accessory on him is his round, silver piercing on his right ear. On the lower left corner is the name of the person, the date he finished drawing, and Mino signature. Seungyoon didn't know about the sketch yet. Mino just happen to not draw it whenever he is with him. The sketch is perfect by now. He thinks it's the right time to show it.

 

*****

 

 _The cooking took fast without im realizing it. 6.24 pm_  
_You coming in? 6.24pm_

  
_Of course 6.27pm_  
_Wait for me 6.27pm_

The train station is full with people coming from the city. All of them look the same in a large sight. It's the time when office hour ended and these nice clothed worker back to the suburbs. Mino's platform, of course filled with people going to the city, but the quantity of them is unequal to the other.

_It must be really crowded to take train over 6? 6.34pm_

Another message from Seungyoon comes up. He has time to replied it once he is inside the train. More likely meant that the replied will be postponed till he meet the person.

 

*****

 

The dine table is filled with various dishes. A simple and easy made dish. All looked tasty and fresh. But, Seungyoon still working in the kitchen. Make the last thing that matter: the main dish, a tenderloin. One large pan is enough to cook two medium sized steak together. His mind spilts up to his steak, clock, and phone. While Mino didn't answers him for almost an hour, he decided to focus on his cooking. Mino always keeps his phone inside when he is going on a trip anyways.

After a minutes, Seungyoon is startled by the sudden knock on his door. Only Mino knocked his door. Indeed, it's him. Standing in front of his door, no flowers in hand of course. Just Mino in his all black outfit. His dirty-blond hair is not so neatly combed. Seungyoon smiled.

"Hey, you're early."

"I didn't expect it."

Seungyoon take his hands in and Mino close the door. Even when he is coming thirthy minutes early, Seungyoon is already dressed. Mino know it because that's not the clothes he usually wear in home. A faded blue jeans and striped maroon shirt. Two of his highest button are unbuttoned. Although it's casual, Seungyoon sucessfully make a good look in it.

"I'm still working on our dinner."

"I can help you." Mino offering. Seungyoon shakes his head.

"Let me finished it in about ten minutes, you can doing anything else."

Mino raised his brow then nods. "Sure, I will wait."

Mino headed to the minimalist dining table just beside the window, where everything is already set up by Seungyoon. The table ware is new, white with a green herbs pattern. On top of it lays bowls in a different shape with a different dish, plates, fork and knife.

"You made all of this?"

Seungyoon look up at him from the plate he's working on. Seems like he's decorating the steak very carefully till he's crounching his body. While he was look up, his already exposed chest became more excess.

"I hope you will like it." Seungyoon added a small smile.

Mino tracing his finger on a rim of glass. "I will eat every one of them even if it's taste so bad."

Seungyoon rolls his eyes.

"Oh, you don't have to do that, believe me. I bet."

But, Mino is already drifted away by the song on the LP he just played.

A minute before eight, the tenderloin steak is served. Seungyoon sat in front of him, opens the window and showing the night city just in a right angle. Seungyoon's apartement is in sixth floor. The equality of city scene and the sky is cutted perfectly by the horizon's line. The air is bringing mid August wind, warm but refreshing.

"Let's eating great."

"Hold on,"

Mino hand reaches across the table to his shirt and buttoning it till only the hem is opened. Seungyoon eyes following at his hand.

"It's distracting." Said Mino once it's done.

"Sorry, i didn't realize its opened all the time. I used to wear t-shirts in summer." Seungyoon explains immediately, he look a bit flushtered.

Mino smirked and take his knife, gesturing to Seungyoon's plate.

"It's chilling right now, eat your steak."

But instead, Seungyoon waited Mino to tasted it first, then cutting his steak into small pieces for his own.

"How is that?"

Mino pretends to think like a cooking's judges.

"Great, you passed this challenge."

"What challenge? Am I already sign up for that?" Seungyoon false-curiousing his voice.

"It's a challenge called 'Try to Impress Song Minho."

"Geez, you didn't do that to all of your exes, right?"

"You're the only person I treated like this."

They're continuing their dinner in comfortable silence. The steak is truly delicious and Mino eating in a joy. This is exactly warming with a little bit of romantic where none of them are the type.

"Actually I want to thank you," Seungyoon opens a conversation.

"For what?"

"For taking me back when I'm drunk. I'm the one who asked you to go, but ended up burdening you."

Mino trying to ignored it when Seungyoon bringing back yesterday's case.

"I was in the mood for drunk, I shouldn't bring you along," Mino still executing his steak, Seungyoon continues, "people said I'm really annoying when get drunk. I hope I didn't doing something wrong."

Mino stopped at this. The steak he just ate seems burned inside. Seungyoon notices it.

"What? Am i doing something stupid?"

"Sort of,"

"You can tell me, it's not the first time I humiliated myself."

Mino thinks for a moment. Considering if it's a big deal or not. However, it's always better by telling him.

"It is not, you said you love me."

Now it's Seungyoon turn to fall silent. Mino is almost finished eating when Seungyoon is stopped. They're trapped in silence.

"I don't know if it's a matter or not." Says Mino. Later, he thinks of his sentence as a satire. But, Seungyoon must be aware of it.

"Im sorry, it's totally my fault." Seungyoon take a drink and ready to talk again before Mino interrupt.

"To say that you love me?"

Seungyoon close his eyes. "No... it's just something you have to understand. Please forget it for a while?"

Seungyoon look so pleaded, so Mino nods and do what he says, forget it for awhile. He takes the napkin. The atmosphere is changing. Certainly none of them wanted it to be.

While Mino is eating the dessert: a raisin pie, he cant help his thought. There must be a reason why Seungyoon being like that. If Mino think about it again, he never really know how was Seungyoon back then. Other than his outside personality and interior. There is some hint of his oddness that confusing him when they're first get to know each other. The fact that Seungyoon is like to drunk. Just like the common people, but sometimes Mino sees it like Seungyoon need it. Only him, the one in his life who said in front of his face 'the drinks is calling for me' or 'I would get drunk for two days, don't call me.' Things like that. To a person who didn't really enjoy drinking, it's a surprise for himself (and others) that they're together. Mino remembers Seungyoon had said to him, that his amounts of drink is slowly decreased since they're dating. But still, he never relate Seungyoon's stock of soju in his refigerator. It's almost like a supply for a months. 'Of course I didn't drink it myself. I share it with people coming in.' That was what he said, when Mino comes to his apartement for the first time and get the first look of variated drinks in his refigerator.

"I have a syrup if raisin is not your taste."  
Seungyoon voice bring him back to present time. He's already gaining his composure and look calm right now.

"No, this is perfect, a raisin pie should taste like it should be. Any other addition will ruin it."

"At first I was afraid you will dislike it."

"Im okay with everything you cook."

They're continued eating in silence. In the end of their dinner, Mino insist to help him wash the dishes.

"Wash the dishes is just like responsibility." Mino said.

"It's still the part I dislike."

"You get that feeling of satisfaction once it done."

"My boyfriend always did the dishes for me."

Seungyoon is wiping the eating tools and arrange it in a rack. While Mino passed him the already clean ones.

"You never wash your dishes?" Mino look at him with a mocking disbelief.

"Just once in a while, mostly I'm eating outside, or do delivery."

"Is that good?"

"Delivery food? It's never as good as you're eating in place. Just my assumption."

"So, no dishes..."

"Yup, you're done?" He asked when Mino didn't handed him plate anymore.

"It's all done."

"Let's get some whiskey."

Mino followed after Seungyoon who already drink his whiskey along the way. He throw himself onto sofa with a soft bumps.

"Hey, about earlier."

"Yeah?"

"Mind to tell me?"

Seungyoon sat in the armchair, looked hesitated a bit.

"I'll tell you eventually. Things you have to understand." He moved to sofa, just besides Mino. Every single movemet he made seems deliberating. "It must be hard for you to have me."

"It's something I can endure, somehow."

"You're always good at enduring it, then." Seungyoon fell silent for a moment.  
"But, sorry I think I can't tell you right now. Give me some times. I promise it won't take long. What im about to tell you is a complicated story. Sometimes I think it is not important, but look at what it did to me, apparently it take a big part of myself."

Mino furrowed his brow. That's sounds pretty serious.

"Whatever is it consumes you, are you already get rid of it?" He asked.

"Consume is not the right terms I think. But it's seems hard to get rid of it once you believe it. This is not some kind of depression though. I like to call it a curse."  
Seungyoon look aimlessly at the ceiling. When he's done, he is seeing Mino intensely look at him, take his every word into worries.

"You look so worried! It's not as bad as you think, I bet. Next time we meet, I'll tell you. I promise."

Mino nodded hesitantly and drink his whiskey in one go.  
"I'll take that promise." Mino paused and looked at his watch, ten quarters. "I think I will back to my apartement."

"You're not going to spend the night?"

"I want to give you time to think about it. That's why I take your promise."

"That's okay, I really need a time alone. Thanks for it." Said Seungyoon.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I have something for you."

Mino take his sketchbook from his bag. Seungyoon seems curious then looked amazed when Mino shows him the picture.

"You're really draw it!" Seungyoon tracing his finger over the lines of his own picture. He looked so exciting. "It's so beautiful. You turn me into an art, I suppose."

Mino tear the page of Seungyoon's picture neatly and give it to him.

"I want you to keep it."

Seungyoon look at him like asked if this is okay. Without words, he takes the picture eventually.

"Thank you. I meant it." Seungyoon reaches his hand.

They're remains silent. Long enough to craved Seungyoon's sincere smile forever in Mino mind. It's just a drawing, but he act like Mino had just give him the moon.

"I got to go, the train won't wait for me forever." Mino stands and Seungyoon following him to the door.

"I'm sorry for the..."

"Don't be, you have no reason to apologize. The steak was great, I would never regret the dinner today."

They're laughs because of the cheesy lines. None of them were aware enough who make the movement first. But, it's where the kiss begin. Right before he left, Seungyoon was pinned against the wall. Mino kissing him tenderly. Their hands roaming each other bodies before finding the right places. His kisses slowly getting down to his neck. Mino plant his mark on Seungyoon's collar bones. Hidden enough for people to see. Mino could continuing it for long, but Seungyoon's hands softly pushed him.

"We can continued it next time." Whisper him.

Mino gives him a peck on the mouth once more before leaving.

"Good night."

 

*****

 

Day by day passed since their last dinner. Both of them are busy again with their own bussiness. Seungyoon may in his arrangement project and Mino is doing things apart from his drawing tools this time. Danah is also back from hometown. All the things gain its track again to run in a daily routiness. Distracted them from every pendings problems. By Thursday, Seungyoon is calling him on lunch break.

"Hello,"

"Are you busy right now?"

"No, but I don't have much time left for next classes."

"I won't talk for long." Seungyoon continued fast. "I've been on a tight schedule for almost a week, I know you have your own bussiness too, but can we meet?" He sounds like suddenly had some urges.

"I hope so, I can spend most of my time on weekend, if we couldn't make it tommorrow or the following days."

"Is it okay for you to sleep over at sunday?"

"I can manage it."

"Okay thank you."

The calls still connected but none of them are speaking.

"Still there?"

"Mino, i've been thinking about many things past this day. I want to tell you about it all. It makes my sleep deprived a bit. I can't wait to see you."

"Alright, don't make yourself a nuisance."

"You too, don't forget to eat on time."

"I'm eating right now, dont worry."

"I will hang up then. See you."

"See you."

When Mino finished talking, all the eyes is looked directly at him. Two of them is his juniors, while the other two is his classmate. They're give him a collective expression. While the juniors are hopelessly looking, his friends are giggling shamelessly.

"So everyone is thinking right now if Mino already have a girlfriend..."

It's Jaebum who can't stop smiling exaggerately along with Hani. Thats implication is aiming to Mino rather than to the girls. These bastard is actually mocking him because they're knows it was Seungyoon. Certainly not a girlfriend.

"Shut up..."

No more giggles or words. Of course it's just temporary. Not long, they're finished lunch ridiculously in coincide. The juniors is leaving first after saying goodbye.

"I thought she only call you at night?" Another chains joke and Hani is no better than Jaebum.

"We didn't distinguish time." Mino replied nonchalantly, but it somewhat make Hani did a double take look at him. Her face shows a disbelief like Mino just said something wise.

"Wow, that's seems deep... Just like Seungyoon. What a compatible pair~" She's shrugs and stabs her pasta.

"It's not surprising though, I can't believe I once thinking you and Seungyoon will break up soon..." Jaebum says. Mino is looking at him, questioning.

"It's just I never seen Seungyoon like this before. Last time i met him at a concert alone, he was... how to say that, look more stable."

Mino remains silent. He remembers that time when Seungyoon told him about attending a rock concert. A concert Mino would never sure to attend.

"Hmm, I never sure of Seungyoon. But, being with Mino this whole time, I can tell the differencies between times when you're still single and when you're already with Seungyoon." Said Hani.

"What is that?" Mino asked half curious.

"What I noticed the most is the way you think become more brighter. The second one, you're no longer easily pissed off. Last, you're become less idealist."

"Probably affected by Seungyoon." Jaebum added.

"No way, I didn't lessen up on something."

"Seriously? You're brave enough to skip class, THRICE last semester."

"Yeah, there is a strong reaso-"

"Sssh, hurry up! We don't have much time." Hani's watch suddenly beeps. An alarm for steadying herself. Also a coincidential alarm for Mino to cancelled his protest.

Jaebum and Hani are already a step ahead of him. Their conversation is still going on in his mind.

"If you gonna meet him, say hi from us."

Whether he must be grateful or not to have friends like them, he still considering it. However, they're the first cause for him to meet Seungyoon. To kindly accept their request is worth it.

 

*****

 

Sunday come fast when you're not dreaming it. When everyone wake up late, Mino is still on his daily basis. Alcohol is the only reason for him to messing his morning.

Seungyoon told him, today he can coming by whenever. He is at home and already free from duty since yesterday. The only things he does is waiting for him. So, Mino already arrived there at one pm. When he knock the door, one minutes passed without response. Mino sighs. He punched the numbers into Seungyoon's pin code. It was his birth date in backwards. Seungyoon gives him the pin code year ago. This is the first time for Mino to use it.

When Mino entered, there is zero indicate of living things. Then he headed to Seungyoon's room, open the door slowly. As he expected, Seungyoon was asleep. He must be fallen asleep while waiting for him. Mino steps closer and sit on a nightstand. Trying not to make much noise as possible. He noticed his sketch is savely wrapped in a transparent plastic frame on Seungyoon's timetable. His eyes then distracted to the person, watching Seungyoon features as he sleeps. It's so calm and peaceful. Seeing Seungyoon asleep seems not make any different by seeing a cat take a nap. He's absolutely absorbed in his qualified sleep.

After watching him for minutes, Mino leaving the room. No urges to wake him up. Mino decided to wait. To be frank, he is not in a hurry. In Seungyoon apartement, he really can feels the feeling of belongings. Like in his own apartement. Mino sit on the sofa alone. Letting the days light crashing his back soundlessly. He close his eyes. It is good to fall a sleep at this hour, but he's don't trace any sign of sleepiness in him. His eyes darted, and remember if Seungyoon had a pack of ciggarette. Neither of them are smokers. But they does smoking sometimes. Mino lit one from the cabinet then take a small tray and back to sofa. The windows are already opened widely. Slowly, Mino take a drag and keep it in his lungs to measuring his resistance. The feeling of smoke burned him inside is so addictive. How can a toxic things made people depends on it, he thought. That's when Mino immediately exhales. He has a friends who died because of lungs cancer. And he really smoking two packs a day. Other than that, there is none of him that remained broke like his lungs. He was an amazing person after all. It's just he's can't stop smoking. After he died, only grief and sorrow that left. Mino wont blame the ciggaretts, the person, or the addiction. But there is reason why people dead, and lungs cancer plus its cause it's just a way to it. That's wont make a strict image to the people. The things that more dangerous is things that can't be seen. It lead people to change and living like a dead ones.

Sound of the door clicked fill the silent room. Seungyoon comes from it with swollen eyes. He smiles when sees Mino on his sofa, eyes meeting in surprise.

"You're smoking,"

"And you're asleep."

"I'm sorry, I just came by midnight yesterday. I didn't get enough sleep."

"I'm good. I like to see you sleeping."

"Are you waited for so long?"

"No, it didn't feel like waiting, really."

Seungyoon make a glass of lime in the counter. Backing him.

"When I woke up, I think you must be here."

"It's easy to know someone presence in your house, isn't?"

"Yeah, it's make a different atmosphere." Said Seungyoon. His hands holding two dewy glasses of lime.

Mino first asked him, "you like lime?"

"Is that my role to ask that?"

"Is it too late for you to ask that, I guess?"

"So, you dislike lime?" Seungyoon comes up with wrong conclusion.

"No, i didn't dislike it, it just, I never see you drink lime."

"Oh, that's because I decided to consume the real vitamin."

"The tablet ones is not fake either."

Seungyoon shakes his head.

"Lime is alive, drugs don't. It's seems dull, coming by a factory that every piece of them is so alike. Im eating them is like a dead person taking medicines." He explains.

Mino nodded several times. "It's nice to changes things, even as trivial as vitamin."

They're turns into giggles and Seungyoon fold his smile. His teeth slightly capturing his lower lip. Seungyoon make him falls for him again.

"I know you were curious about things you're going to hear." Said Seungyoon.

"It's succesfully made me think about that, all the way here."

"Don't expect too much, it might be a waste of time."  
"I have a time to wasted, apparently." Mino give his smile. His first smile today.

"Well, I decided to tell you all of this. Not very useful for me to keep it myself or shared it with others though, but yeah..."

Mino drinks his lime, eyes still on Seungyoon.

"It's about what happened years ago." Seungyoon starts, "I don't think there is something wrong with me, but things turned bad when I was... in age of eighteenth till twenty one. I don't know what gotten into me if I recall those days. I was a teenager and didn't experience at anything including other person, especially their feelings. That's also the time when I found out I like men better and the first time for me to be in a relationship. It was with my own teacher..."

Seungyoon looked up to checking Mino's response. As he expected, he looks shocked but keep still and Seungyoon continues.

"I was in my third grade back then. I knew him for three years before we're together. I really adored him because of his knowledge. He was my music teacher. I always passionate when it is music, so i was stand out in his class. It directed him to get to know me and my interest in music. After school, he allowed me to use music room. Of course with his permission, he was there until im done practicing. Because of that, we became close. We like to talk about many things. At first it just about music, but later we talked about ourselves. Even I called him by name. Something like boundaries that shouldnt have been crossed between teacher and student. We were always talked after school. Sometimes hung out together. It wasn't like a teacher and student anymore. We were calling each others name secretly. At one point I knew he was attracted to me. And I was very welcoming. What was a feeling of adoring a teacher, became totally different. I loved him. He was what people says first love for me."

"That's quite dangerous." Mino commented.

"It is, we were covering it in school."

"You haven't said how old he was."

"He was twenty nine. Eleven years old than me."

Seungyoon continue, "I can't really call it 'dating' because we're not, it's just a relationship without a bond. It's happen for half a year. At that lenght, nobody know our affair. We're met each other at school and act like our roles there. It was different when we were outside school. I used to come to his apartment, as his request. We were liked each other after all and i was carefree, he is so kind, there is nothing wrong. Only if people at school know this, it would be questioning. In his apartment we're kissed, hugged each other. It was new for me, to kissed by someone. I was crazily in love. But later, I knew I'm just being used by him. He's already have a boyfriend, someone around his age. I found out it myself. I remember he was the one who wanted to breakup. He tell me we can't be together, that we're forbidden and eventually people will find out. Wow, that really made me stressed for a month. I feel frustrated and used... and dumb."

A smile of remorse curved in his lip. His face becomes sad. Mino couldn't pictures him back there, frustrated and used, also dumb. He let Seungyoon dazed for long before Seungyoon is stride over table and sit on his lap, straddling him.

"Im happy I didn't end up with him anyway, he is right, we can't be together."

"So... what happened after you're break up?"

"We were avoiding each other and it's near graduation so we didn't have to facing each other so often anymore."

"Do you still love him after you breakup?"

"It was hard at first. But, once im done with my feelings, he is nothing. Sometimes it make me hurt too, that he only likes me... physically. He certainly didn't love me more than that, I'm just his escape."

"You slept with him?" Mino asks.

"No. He didn't go that far, perhaps still thinking about me as his student, or thinking about his actual boyfriend."

"Am I the only one who ever heard about this?" Mino interrogated.

Seungyoon nods. "But, I think several people was suspect at us." He grins, inches his body closer and burried his nose on Mino hair.

"After I entered college, I started to dating with people. Like actually dating. Im trying to love somebody again. Then, I was dating with my senior. He's so handsome, a natural leader, smart, people like him, and he chooses me. He said im kinda precious. What does it even mean? You can predicted what's the ending, it's only last four months. This time, im the one who break our relation. He slept with others. And really like to spend night with strangers, despite having a boyfriend. A side of him, everyone didn't know, perhaps. I remember when we were argued about this, he said that he's truly loves me, no lies or anything. That I shouldn't have care about him sleeping with others. That he never remembered any of them, and they're just like toys to him... He didn't denying it to me, he said it's like a hobby. I see it like an illness. When he admit that, im trying to understand it, and he's also gave me chance to accept it or ending ours. I think he never get enough of me, of one person only. I didn't understand it. The more I'm thinking about it, I lost my mind. This is just like my previous teacher who cheated on his boyfriend. Or maybe they're the same person who can't get enough of one person only..." He paused and facing Mino, stare at him intensely. Right in the eye.

"So, Mino, do you ever slept with others this whole time?"

"No, I don't." Mino gives him smile so reassuring.

"You sure?"

"Im sure. This whole time, since I meet you. I never slept with others." He put his hand on Seungyoon cheeks. Exchanging warmness. Later Seungyoon's hand joining him and put it down.

"I wouldn't be mad though, if you did that... I guess."

"Why?"

Seungyoon chewing on his lower lip and get rid off Mino's lap. Still maintains hand in hand.

"Then, it's mean something is wrong with me. And i don't want to lose you. There's must be a reason for you to did that." A grip on his hand tightened. That is his reason.

"No, you're perfect. I'm already prove it and I dont want anything beside you."

"That is super cheesy, what gotten into you?"

"You gotten into me." Strike two, and Seungyoon couldn't handle this cheesiness.

"Stop right there, I want to continued it. You didn't get bored, didn't you?"

"Not at all."  
Seungyoon wanders in time again.

"Okay, since then, I'm always trying to build a relationship with people and somehow it's always ended miserably. I was depressed. What turning me into this mess? I feel like I'm alone. I couldn't stand it, being alone without someone to hung into. When im turned twenty, I give up and didn't wanted to deal with others again. I live in a normal wave, go to college, studying, eating, but im not happy, I wonder why. Im always in doubt. Less than a human. That year of depression bring me friends somehow. And reveal the real friends of mine. I just didn't realize that I need them the most at that moment. They're really supportive, we're often hang out together and whenever. That's also the year when im likely to get drunk everyday. Either it's with them, or alone in my apartment. When I'm feeling sad, or just thinking about my significance, alcohol will drown them down. It's make me feel better. But, my body seems like against it. I always got nausea after. Every single days just circling the same old things. I live that way for a year. When im turning twenty one, it's like im being repaired past the year. Im no longer depressed and can accept things as is it to be. No boyfriend, and I feel my pulses are relaxed. Like tasting freedom on my own. While im getting better, I look up at my past and thinks of my mistakes. I think I was stupid. After the chains of event back then, I realized of how I was addicted to love. By being able to love and to be loved. It bring me into the wrong place and I regrets everythings. Love was too easy for me, to falling within and ended it. I got the wrong perception of it and lost its significance." Seungyoon stopped and takes a deep breath.

"Talking about friends, Hani and Jaebum says hi for you." Mino suddenly recalled.

Seungyoon smiles. "Im glad to hear that, both of them are there when I needed them the most."

"And about what you're telling me. Everyone got their own turning point, anything you had examines back then are things that you shouldn't regret. See? I still love you, no matter how bad your past is." Mino commented.

"That words again." Seungyoon looks concerned. "You know, all of them are the same. None of them were sane in a right way. And they're said they love me. So am I, I said I love them. I said that like thousand times already, to the ones I love, to the ones I think I belonged to." He takes a breath, and continue,

"I was like you back then, Mino. The way I express my feeling with words, I said I love them. I always think it's not simply just a words, I said it with sincere and not joking around people, saying I love them. But, after the years, I got somewhat traumatic to the terms. Traumatic in a way so different. Like, back then I always said it to the person I truly love. And the result are always bad. Im afraid now, I tought that the terms is wrong. Instead of avoiding it, im no longer uses it as the way to express my feelings toward the person I love. I uses it to everyone. The terms is no longer sincere. That is when I feels like already changed. I used to being alone for two years. Then you came at me, at first I was doubted and afraid. But I saw you so independently and also clumsy, it make me falling for you somehow. What come into my mind was 'this guy seems no harm.' I was accepting it and trying to not thinking of the bad things. Eventually it works. You're become the first one for me. From now and then, i never replied to your words. No matter how im actually feels the same. Love doesn't need words. That's the reason, if you're wondering why."

The sun light is fading by the time Seungyoon started. The sky now is cloudy. Mino disgested every words he'd just heard.

"You just avoiding it with the one you love?" Mino asked, confirmed it. However, Seungyoon had just indirectly say that he loves him.

Seungyoon didn't look at him, but nodding. His cheek are flushed.

"Well, indeed I was wondering about it. After I heard your reason, I don't mind to be the one who saying I love you."

"You must be patient this whole time. I think you have to know the reason why, and just yesterday I thought that you're different than all of them. You're helped me through those regretful memories without you knowing. You deserve to know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."  
Mino rub Seungyoon's hair and bring his head closer to kiss him on the forehead. "That's okay, I'm grateful to have you."

Seungyoon snuggles further into him till they're both laying on the sofa with Seungyoon's head is on Mino chest. Listening to his constant heartbeat become one with the sound of rain. Mino looked at the ceiling, contemplating words after words and the meaning behind. Meanwhile, Seungyoon had lost it long time ago, on his years of emptiness. When he's felt like less than a human. Mino really don't mind it. If he should be the one who said love, he would do it. Even Seungyoon is not gonna replied it. Seungyoon loves him, and let him know that. It's enough. At the sight of Seungyoon sleeping against his chest, Mino struck by realization that Seungyoon had been cured. Jaebum is right. How come he just noticed it? The way Seungyoon act, talking, response him, even his shared thought with him. He's no longer insecure or stumbled over his words. The image of Seungyoon in the bar two years ago is like a forgotten scene in a film. Seungyoon is here now, sleeping like a newborn man.

"You gonna spend the night?" His voice come sleepily.

"Yeah,"

"Good, I need some warmth."

As the night arrives. Mino become less talking. It's Seungyoon who lead them into conversation. Mino is in the mood for listening to things Seungyoon said. But, inside his mind everything goes by like a traffic without him care to shared it. Even when it's Monday already. In the depth of Seungyoon room, he still awake. The room isn't in a total darkness. So, he can sees Seungyoon face clearly. His bare profile with exposed shoulder like in his sketch. A sudden yet so familiar feelings hit him. Kind of sad but warming, a bit melancholy, about his feelings towards him.

As he watches Seungyoon sleeping. The feelings grew bigger in his chest. Forever he would protect him. Always love him. That's what Mino think. Seungyoon doesn't have to know. Mino will keep it as a promise to himself. As long as he's still breathing. Could lays besides him, being his watch bird, studying his features. And as strong as Seungyoon's believe to never get rid of his own curse.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for made it this far! Was it good?  
> Kindly put a criticize is very appreciated. (Also i really need beta)


End file.
